THE CHRISTMAS SWORD
The Holidays is a time of year where family and friends gather and spend time together. The spark of love and peace is all over the place and the sense of giving to others is high. For most, this season is unconsciously taken for granted. Its an annual event that comes and goes with the passage of time. For those in prison it can be the worst time of year. The separation from children, spouses, and loved ones can be devastating. This separation effects those on the outside too — a double edged sword — that us on the inside are all too aware of. The suicide rate in prisons is already disproportionally high when compared to society but during the Holiday season that rate gets even higher.
Imagine a window, an impenetrable barrier where the world on your side of the glass is colorless and gloomy, cold and damp, filled with shadows and stale air, hands and feet wet and numb; a purgatory of sorts but cold. On the other side of the window are all of your friends, family, and loved ones. They are at your favorite place and its bright, cheery, and welcoming. Festive colors, warmth from the fire place, lots of delicious foods, smiles, hugs & kisses, children are running around playing games and are happy, songs being sung, and everyone is filled with love. There’s just one thing missing… its you.
Your face is pressed against the glass, you can almost hear them but not quite. No one on the other side can see you and it doesn’t seem that they notice your absence. It’s like a bad dream… a nightmare. You’ve become the Ghost of Christmas Past. Your chest tightens and your stomach turns, you are overcome with emotion and tears stream down your face because you no longer matter, you no longer exist. This is just a glimpse of how many of us feel on the inside.
This narrative necessarily does not reflect how our family, friends, and loved ones feel, although sadly for some of us it does. But for most they are feeling our absence and they are dealing with their own pain and suffering that comes from our absence — the double edged sword — the pain of the sword piercing all of our souls.
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